No, everything has to be serious at all times and we cannot find any humor in the absurdity of hell world. The last time I smiled was on August 19th, 1991. I wear a dirty ushanka at all times, do not shave, and only take cold sponge baths because hot running water is bourgeoisie decadence. Every day at exactly noon I have the same meal of an expired Maoist MRE I store in a pit covered in old issues of a revolutionary newspaper. I sleep in a bed made of flags from every failed revolution so that they are never forgotten. In the evenings I stare at a picture of vodka by candlelight, but I do not allow myself to drink because there is nothing to celebrate. Every local org has banned me after I attempted to split it by assassinating the leadership. There is no plumbing in my house I shit in a brass bucket with a picture of Gonzalo and Deng french kissing in the bottom of it. My house is actually an overturned T34 in an abandoned junkyard in Wisconsin. I have a single friend in this world and it is a tapeworm named Bordiga that I met after ingesting spoiled borscht on 9/11 in the ruins of building 7 (I blew it up after finding that a nominally leftist NGO inside of it wasn’t sufficiently anti-imperialist, the attacks on the world trade center were a perfect revolutionary moment for me to enact direct praxis against liberalism). My source of income is various MLM schemes in the former soviet bloc that have been running for so long no one remembers who I am, they just keep sending money. I have not paid taxes since McGovern lost the Democratic nomination for president and my faith in electoralism died more brutally than my childhood dog after it got into an entire jar of tylenol. I own 29 fully automatic rusted kalashnikovs and three crates of ammunition entirely incompatible with them or any other firearms I own. My double PHD in marxist economics and 18th century Swiss philosophy (required to understand Engels) sits over the fireplace of my home, my fireplace is a salvaged drum from a 1950s washing machine that was recalled for locking children inside of it. I chose that washing machine model on purpose because I am anti-natalist. During the latest BLM protests I firebombed a Nikes outlet in the middle of a peaceful candlelit vigil. William F Buckley and I wrote hatemail to one another for 47 years until my final letter gave him an aneurysm. The only water I drink is from puddles. George Lucas and I dropped acid together during an MKULTRA southern baptist summer camp and he went on to write the movie Willow about our time together. The best way to test whether an electrical wire is live is to drool on it and shrimp salad is racist. You can make an IED out of potassium and the instructions are online thanks to Timothy McVey, who was actually a committed antifascist communist slandered by the deep state as part of operation condor. Every time a liberal files a restraining order against me, I carve a mark into the wall. I am running out of walls. When Amerika finally collapses I will be ready to lead the revolution. I am very smart and people like being around me.

More and more people are saying this. They say "Where are all the red flags? When are we getting Lenin back" and I tell them "Folks, we need more class consciousness". I tell you, the year 1991, very bad year. The Worst Year in History, possibly ever. The Bourgeoisie are laughing at us folks. They say "Where is your Union? Where is your Union?" but we will have the last laugh. Big things happening in Cuba and China, very big things.

Don't you get it? As Americans, we are under no obligation to care about anyone around us. Like, take today for instance. I wore my Chuck Taylor High Tops, but it was raining. I pushed an old woman carrying a three legged dog into a puddle and walked on her back so my shoes didn't get wet. I could hear her ribs cracking, but what was I supposed to do?!? Go around with wet feet?

We condemn this outrageous attack and display of violence on our military base in another sovereign country that we invaded and brutalized

Either you didn't need my vote and that's why you refused anything I asked for, or you did need my vote and refused it like a fucking idiot.

I have a kid. It's not hard. All I plan on doing is explaining that the act of sex feels good. And in the case of sex between men and women, babies can occur. That's it. Stop pretending this is some sort of weird blow to cultural norms, or reinventing of the wheel because you have to explain all the combinations of sex that can exist.

I've been itching to hit 9/11 truther people with "the twin towers never existed" and getting really fucking mad and calling them CIA shills

i wake up and drink a cold class of water, which the revolutionary fire in my belly converts into the steam that powers my drive to build a better world. are you looking to name this tendency? it's called "the correct one".

No ethical consumption under capitalism. That's why I'm going to buy a chimpanzee to use as a sex slave

80% of people who lived in the USSR: "Those were better times" Me, completely unaffected by propaganda: "lol they're clearly brainwashed. The 6th grade history book, written by state appointed educators, some random evangelical, or some wall street ghoul said USSR bad"

using chrome is bourgeois decadence

Replace the word "strawberries" with "children" and your innocent picnic doesn't seem so pleasant any more, does it? You're a cannibal now.

Am I the only person that find the American trust in media INSANE: "Ok, we lied about Vietnam! But Yugoslavia is serious!!" "Ok, we lied about Yugoslavia. But Iraq is SERIOUS!!!" "Ok, we lied about Iraq. But LIBYA?!?!?!! THAT'S SERIOUS!" "Ok, big L in Libya kinda lied! But Syria, now this is the truth that Assad is lethal!!" "Ok, massive lies about Libya, Syria and Iraq. But. Guys seriously trust us on this Uighur thing?!?!?"

This exact situation is why violence was invented.

What the fuck did you just say about me, you little carnist?I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Vegan Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on slaughter houses, and I have over 300 confirmed liberations. I am trained in gorilla rescues and I’m the top tofu cook in the ALF. You are nothing to me but just another carnist to convert. I will debunk your shitty appeal to nature arguments with logic the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with comparing us to lions on the internet and get away with it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of liberators across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the veggies, maggot. The veggies that adequately nourishes that pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking vegan, kid. I can convert anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy your arguments in over seven hundred ways, and that’s without making any holocaust analogies! Not only am I extensively trained in cooking quinoa, but I have access to the entire catalog of "vegangainz" youtube channel and I will use it to its full extent to convert your miserable ass to a more compassionate lifestyle, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” argument was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit curry all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking vegan, kiddo.

Comrade, do you not see the Goose as our ally in the struggle against fascism and capitalism? The Goose does not bend to the will of its "superiors." It does not tolerate harassment of its community. It does not recognize ownership or have leaders. They take turns leading flights. They have sympathy, compassion, fierce determination, and are intelligent.

Ron Paul didn't have a stroke, each cell in his brain decided to throw off the shackles of tyranny and function independently

They leave no more often than any of the other latin american nations, and people leave for bullshit aspirational reasons, but also driven by real problems with life in Cuba. None of that can stop the truth though, that shit is way way better for ordinary people post revolution than it was under Batista, and that's while they have the embargo at that.

Folks, what we did in 1917–the Revolution we call it, with a capital R–it's never been done before. So many big beautiful red flags, you couldn't even–now that, folks, that's a flag we stand up for, we don't kneel for our terrific red flag–and you couldn't even see the Winter Palace. You know the Mensheviks, and Renegade Kautsky, they said we couldn't do it! They said, "Oh, Vlad, the material conditions are bad, we have to have a bourgeois republic to develop the forces of production." You know what that means, right? Semi-feudal economy! Well, look at where we are now, Julius. We are going to develop the forces of production so fast it'll make your head spin. We are going to do in a generation what it took them many, many years to do. We're bringing back bread, folks! And not just bread, but peace too–and you know, the Left-SRs, they're very nasty to me about Brest-Litovsk, they say I make bad deals with the Germans, even though, nobody does treaties better than me, and the Germans are tough, but when they deal with me they know my reputation, they know I make the best deals, and you know, many people in Germany, they say they want Lenin too! Little pickelhaub man is scared, because he knows that we have built an incredible movement, and we are gonna have world revolution, the biggest revolution anyone has ever had. But, still, you know, the fake bourgeois media, the white guards, they say "He colluded with the Germans, he got on the train, did this did that"–and they're just crazed. They are really crazed. Right. And we can't just let that happen, because there's nothing to do with Germany, nothing at all. Total witch hunt. Very unfair.